why do we move past the place of enough into excess?

at what point will we feel like we’ve done enough?

when will the moment arise in which the action of being is valued more than the action of doing?

i came across this photo today, in between the interrupted flow of creativity of words on the computer screen and my monkey brain that was seeking something else to do just to fill up every second of time, checking instagram, facebook, back to writing, pause, to do list, write some more, pause, text my brother, back to to do list, keep writing, pause, check my e-mail, what’s in this photo folder…?

why must there always be something else we need to be doing? when will doing just one something seem like it’s enough?

this photo was taken at a vineyard in tuscany several years back. at the time my yoga practice looked much different than it does now. i loved doing headstand. it challenged me, shifted my perspective and gave me a sense of strength and resiliency. when i opened the photo folder on my computer and saw this image i felt a sense of longing for things to be the way they were –

“if only i could still do a headstand.”

i’m no longer able to do headstand – at least not the way it looks in this photo, somewhere along my yoga journey i developed a bulging disc in my neck and this “freedom” to drop into a headstand whenever i wanted, even in the middle of a vineyard in tuscany was no longer an option.

i was conscious of this thought, self -criticism even, and recognized a familiar sense of not being good enough. not doing enough. not being enough.

where does this come from?

a lonely child, forgotten, misunderstood, invincible…

a confused teen, moody, sad, broken, longing for an unattainable love…

so much burden to carry for so long…

like the breath that is held for too long, the things that nourish us can become toxic.

the path of achievement and accomplishment can be a wonderful thing, when there is loving intention behind them. it’s when achievement becomes an expectation, a means of proving you’re enough that the toxins take hold of your heart.

in this moment of self-criticism i paused and offered these thoughts to the place in my heart where wholeness resides.

“i am enough.”

our expectations of ourselves keep us captive &  unsatisfied and yet we choose our attachments rather than our freedom.

i sat and reflected on all of the progress i have made in my yoga practice on a deeper, more meaningful level. it reminded me that looking outward for self-worth and contentment will always leave you seeking more. i paused and offered my attachments to my heart space there is no place to go, nothing to do, it’s all within.

“i choose to go to my heart for acceptance & self-worth. i choose to be free.”

i know you understand. i see you. i hear you. i feel you

you are enough…

Much love,

Shawnee